The grumbling tween rose from bed
only to find a supple and moist white head
perched atop his brow he ran his fingers over the outer crust
he fondles the chunky formation with a questionable lust
not often does an abscess of this magnitude squish its way into vision
this necessitates excretion with precision
with fortitude and concentration he squeezes the boil
the puss oozes, the excrement dripping out with little toil
as he evicts the last residual dribble
he spots some left over debris, and decides to take a nibble
Alright, well first off, I felt the need to gag profusely just by writing this monstrosity of a poem. I attempted to picture the most vile subject I could think of that still withholds the title of "school appropriate" and popping a fat zit immediately came to mind. In writing about this taboo, and rightfully so, topic I attempted to use completely over descriptive diction and imagery to convey my sense of total and utter discomfort and/or slight nausea. Before writing, or even knowing my subject matter, I brainstormed a list of the most grotesque and phonically unsettling words I could imagine. Then after analyzing and reducing my list to the top ten most vile pieces of diction, I meticulously crafted each adverb, adjective, and noun into the most gut-wrenching imagery you pubescent angst one could imagine. In depicting popping a pimple, which alone makes me feel a slight shift in my seat and vehemently describing every moment of it I can effectively make appetites vanish. For instance, just listen to this word: "pus", yeah, ew, so logically a whole poem concerning this must singe one's comfort zone into a menial pile of ashen hopelessness, and therein lies my poem's beauty.
You did an excellent job of making me gag while reading your poem. I'm not kidding. Not only do the descritive adjectives make me want to puke, but the nibble took me over the edge. So I congratulate you on your success, but I do kind of dislike you for writing suck a vile poem.
ReplyDeleteI find it funny that you and I both associated discomfort with disgust. I like how you portray disgust as your imagery works to capture the sight, feeling and taste of the speaker's experience. This presents extreme discomfort as the readers puts themselves into the teen's shoes.
ReplyDeleteI found this poem disgusting. You had the pleasure of watching me read it for the first time as well and got to witness my gagging and repulsion firsthand. I guess this means you did a good job. I also believe the twist you added onto the end of your poem when the teen tastes the "debris" adds to its disgustingness. However, your objective tone develops the claim that everyone handles situations, or zits, differently and should not face judgement for their reactions. I found that concept respectable.
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