Wednesday, April 10, 2013

How I Will Become the Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bagels, or Bread, Whatever, I Forget How it Goes

One factor I invariably keep in mind: originality. Originality with a style, originality with an essay, originality regarding which toppings I get on my burrito at Chipotle. Yes, how original of me to declare originality as a trait with which I strive for. I know I come off as the kind of guy who has about as much originality as the dude who put on a backwards bathrobe, called it a "Snuggie" and made millions. However, I must say, I do pose a few unique traits which I would not mind contributing to my legacy in college. I would like to think of myself as an afficianado of sorts when it comes to hatching ridiculous plans running with the idea, whether or not it guarantees the safety and/or sanity of myself or others. Sometimes something as simple as going for a run in a thunderstorm comes to mind, or sometimes something more extravagant like trying to organize a flashmob in town at 3am on a Sunday (the thought has gone through my mind). Case in point, I like to think of crazy stuff to occupy
any wasted brain space not getting put to use, which always ends in an adventure, and who does not like adventure, no one, absolutely no one. Thus, I think based on the fact that nobody else has the ignorance to attempt heinously stupid plans like myself, and at least live to tell the tale, I must have some originality to me. Not to mention, everyone wants to make friends with the guy masterminding the Guinness World Record for the world's largest dance-off (the plan still has some kinks I have to work out i.e. nobody I know can dance), so needless to say everyone will bow down to me in affection. I suppose if I had to pinpoint another quality from my vast array of amiable characteristics, I would have to center in on the fact that I can sail, seeing as I was not gifted with hand-eye coordination like most people football, baseball, heck, even soccer became out of the question. So I picked spending my time in boats, cool eh? By the time girls get to college they have seen it all, they probably met their fair share of football jocks, or lax bro's, what they need: a refreshing change, that change: moi. A guy who can sail boats, how much more random could one get when it comes to picking a sport no one ever even thinks about. And thus, I shall use that off the beaten path talent to attract the female's, not that I need to, I mean look at me, I look like the long lost love-child of George Clooney and Marilyn Monroe. Truth aside, you can meet a lot of interesting people when they look you in the eye and say with a sense of profound confusion "you sail, like in boats, on like water"? Which brings me to last quality, actually, no it really does not, this did not serve as a good segway at all. Whatever, finally, I love cats, did you know that? Sure you did. One thing that every human being on this rock loves: not world peace, not bacon, not free samples, not oxygen, but cats.  I can walk in to my first class sporting my renowned cat shirt, heads will turn to get a glance of the almighty aura that shall surround my belittling presence. I will have people falling to their knees when I flash them a picture of my flirtatious felines, I will have so many people lining up just to get a chance to shake my hand I could start charging and turn it into a fortune 500 company. Thus, using a mix of my horrible ideas, knowledge of sailboats, and alarming over-association with cats, I can climb my way to the top of campus-social life, maybe start a frat in my honor, my legacy has just begun.

1 comment:

  1. I notice a tone shift while reading this paragraph which seems to improve your odds of becoming "original." While you initially admired the genius simplicity of others' inventions, you shifted your focus onto your future of originality. Your path to success has begun young boy.

    ReplyDelete