Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Twilight Zone: Miss Serensky losing her 100% passing rate

Good god, can I get a break already, if I have to drive one more mile in this I might keel over, which honestly, would not bother me too much, I could use a nap. At this point, I really wish spending the winter in the Keys or something did not seem as far fetched as a solid week of pleasant weather in good ol' Crosby, Maine. This snowstorm just makes me lust for a hot bath and a donut, or maybe a donut and a hot bath, oh I just can not decide! How could I possibly decide when both sound so- *thump*, oh for crying out lo- *thump* *thump* *thump*. I am far too old for this nonsense. Well, unless I want to ride my rim out to the point of extinction I should probably change this abominable excuse for- wait a minute. I do not change tires, Henry always changes the tires, and he left for New York, no, no, no, Olive, pull yourself together, someone will stop. After all, this is only a desolate road, in the middle of Maine...during a blizzard...OH GOD. No, no, stay strong sister, you can- oh, look, headlights, wonderful! "Need a hand, I worked on a pit crew for an amateur NASCAR fan racing rec league, I can get this baby pullin' tread in no time". "Oh my, well thank you darling, I just did not know what I would do had you not stopped"! I graciously replied, although the amateur NASCAR thing seems odd. "So, your name"? I asked. "They called me 'Buckin' Bobbie' back in the pit, but now I go by Joe-Bob, maybe a little bit of Miss Serensky here and there". "Well, what a, pretty name, Joe-Bob" I hesitantly lied, Joe-Bob, I don't even, must be a nickname, so many questions. "So what brings you around these parts, sort of out of the way of everything", I ask, trying to spark conversation over the whipping wind and snow. "Ya see, I teach an AP English class back down in this tiny town in Ohio, and I have a 100% passing rate, well, I DID. I just got the results back, and found out it dropped to a 99%". "Oh dear" I reply, confused. "A 99%, WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE, THEY TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF IGNORAMUS  UNACCEPTABLE, so I fled the state before I could become a mockery" she yelled with more force than a left hook from Mike Tyson. I stared, shocked, the tire still sat there, the tire iron trembling in Joe-Bob's bitter hands.
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 1, 2013 at 9:51 PM

    I like the take on how Ms. Serensky would react to less than ideal results on her students' AP tests. Perhaps this reaction and the implications it presents explain the twitch in her eye that she has experienced recently.

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  2. AnonymousMay 2, 2013 at 5:29 PM

    I really liked how you wrote from the perspective of Olive. I thought you stuck to her character very well while still adding some humor. For example, I enjoy the line, "This snowstorm just makes me lust for a hot bath and a donut, or maybe a donut and a hot bath, oh I just can not decide!"

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  3. AnonymousMay 2, 2013 at 7:49 PM

    Your unique writing perspective, straight from the mind of Olive Kitteridge, made your blog a very entertaining read. Luckily, I do not think Ms. Serensky has anything to fear from our AP English class. And although you make her out to seem extremely emotionally distraught over an abominable 99% passage rate, she currently appears to have a better handle on the stress of this week than an other AP teachers I have encountered. Because she knows we will succeed.

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